Parenting and Disclosure- A.J.

Being a parent is a God given role. Being HIV positive doesn't stop you from being a parent.

Acceptance of one's HIV status makes things easier. We need to appreciate that we can have children who are HIV negative and give them the best in life.

HIV can be transmitted to the baby from a mother during pregnancy, birth or breastfeeding. When we take our drugs as instructed, follow healthcare providers advice, we can prevent transmitting the virus to our babies. In some instances, parents with HIV have avoided physical contact with their babies due to misconceived fear that they might transmit the virus to them, which is absolutely not true.

As parents we may not disclose our status to the children because we fear their reaction, fear they might be discriminated and stigmatized against, that they might reject us. We also consider the burden it may be on the children knowing our HIV status. The shock, disbelief, denial, despair, sadness, regret and guilt, recrimination, resentment, anxiety, depression, withdrawal and isolation.

Parents who have not shared their diagnosis sometimes assume that their children are doing well, as they believe the children are unaware of any problem. Often children living with parents who are HIV positive know something is wrong, feel confused and have anxiety. In my opinion, when disclosure is done at the right time, in a process, not at one time and in a sensitive way, there are benefits that it brings: increased closeness in the family, greater understanding, a new family outlook and emotional support. It’s better to tell your child about your HIV status than have your children hear it from another person.

Disclose your HIV status to your children at the time you feel is the best. As a parent you should know your children well; you’ll know when and how to disclose your HIV status and the right age to talk to them.

A.J.’s Notes:

It's possible to have children as an HIV positive person and deliver a HIV negative baby.

In the case that you deliver a HIV positive child, love them, treat them well, give them their medication as instructed.

Be the best parent to your children regardless of your positive status.

Have you disclosed your status to your kids?